A candle that my parents lit on Christmas Eve in Sherry's memory
After more than a year of dedicated blogging about my sweet family's life, I have taken a respite to reflect on the hardest experience I have ever had to face - the suicide of my little Sister on October 24th of this past year. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went, and I struggled through both of them - just grieving for all that we have lost.
I've spent a lot of time talking with my husband and a couple of very close friends (one of whom helps families deal with grieving all the time through her profession, and another whose husband's sister took her own life in 2004) - trying to make sense of something that will never make "sense". I've spent a lot of time trying to help my parents get through this tradgedy - knowing that no matter what I do, I can't take this horrible hurt away from them. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my own life, and thanking God for all the blessings I have been given. I've hugged my children tight, and I've been angry with God, my Sister and the world in general - - - that this could ever happen to someone I love SO very much! I've visited with my pastors, with a really good counselor, and I've read books on losing a loved one to suicide. I've searched in God's word for understanding and peace. And over the Christmas holidays, I was able to spend a lot of time with my sister's three children - pouring out all this love on them - and knowing that I would do ANYTHING in the world to bring their Mommy back to them - and us!
New Year's Day every year marks new beginnings, new opportunities, a fresh start and a clean slate. Although I will never be "over" this loss and knowing that I have a long way to go in working through my grief, I am happy that 2010 is here and have vowed to come back to blogging - something that brings me such joy!
So - THANK YOU for all of you who have prayed for me and our family, who have taken my kids to play, who have called, texted and emailed me - often just when I needed it most, who brought me meals every day from November 1st until we left town for Thanksgiving, and who have just "been there" through this time. I love you all dearly and appreciate how people have such individual gifts - that together can make such a difference in our lives - especially when we are hurting!
Happy New Year!!!
A beautiful ornament that my best friend gave me - in memory of Sherry!
